A great verdict; a terrible feeling

Tonight, Jerry Sandusky - a former Penn State assistant coach and a former hero of mine - was convicted on 45 of 48 counts involving the sexual abuse of children. Tonight, little more than an hour after the verdict was announced, I walked into my six-month-old son's bedroom and scooped his sleeping body up in my arms. He didn't wake up. But he smiled in his sleep, which brought me to tears. I held him close to my heart and prayed that he would never ever come across a monster like Jerry Sandusky.
That's when the fear really and truly gripped me for the first time.
I've spent the past seven months rethinking my feelings for Penn State - an institution that was more than a football team, a school or a sleepy town in central Pennsylvania. It was home. The safest place I could ever imagine being. But the monster that is Jerry Sandusky changed all that. Suddenly, I was worried if it was a place that deserved a child like Michael. Suddenly, my memories were tainted.
The journey back to adoring Penn State for the greatness it gives to this world has been hard but worthwhile.

I still love Penn State. I always will.

But I will also fear the other Sandusky's out there.

Tonight, I prayed for the victims. But, to be honest, I prayed a lot harder for Michael. I can't change what happened to them. Michael, however still has his innocence. Maybe that's selfish, but that's how I felt. And that's why I felt so scared.

Each time I saw Sandusky carted out of the courthouse in handcuffs, I realized that there are more people like him out there and that I cannot protect Michael all the time.

Someday, he'll be alone with a coach.

Someday, he'll be alone with a teacher.

Someday, he'll be alone with a family member.

Someday, he'll be alone with a friend.

Sure, he'll probably be safe in those situations, but I won't be there if he's not. Neither will his mother.

While I held him tonight, fear built up inside me. What could I do to protect him in those situations? Other than telling him he can come to his mother and I with anything and that he should never let anybody touch him in an uncomfortable way, what options are there? I can't put a bubble around him. I can't assign him a bodyguard.

And what is so terrifying to me is that if someone like Sandusky - who was a legend and a hero to so many - could do this, anyone we know could be the monster hiding under the water's surface.